i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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