you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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