Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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