My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
