i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
