proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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