when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
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