I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
