Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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