I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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