saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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