so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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