Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
