You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
