In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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