I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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