i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
