I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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