Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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