I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
