well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
