come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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