On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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