I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
