She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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