MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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