so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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