the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
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