He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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