I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
