based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
