I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
a search helicopter?!
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
