the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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