I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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