exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize