Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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