A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
her facebook's as public as her vagina
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
