I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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