He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Little spoons don't ask big questions
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
