I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I am one with the molecules
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
