No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
