eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
