its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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