her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
