I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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