Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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