He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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