Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
