Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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