i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
