That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
