I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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