I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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