the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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