I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
