So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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