The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
