Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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