Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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