So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
