I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
So much rum. So many feels.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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