sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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