I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
