winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
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I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
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My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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