At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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