New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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