is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
