My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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