I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
