i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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